Always
by AM-AtLoLevad
Summary: My reaction to Ziva's exit. Sometimes things don't turn out like you think they will. Sometimes things have to fall apart. Can they ever be pulled back together? Or will you be left with haunting memories and lingering looks?
1. Chapter 1

_I wanted to comment on Cote's decision to leave NCIS. I know a lot of people have thought that it was CBS who decided to let Cote go but it has been released that it was her decision. As sad to see her go as I am, I have to say I understand. Sometimes life just has to move on and I suspect, based on everything we see about her in interviews, that she felt like she just needed to move on and a change of pace. I wish her the best and look forward to seeing her in other things. _

_Set after Gibbs' mission is completed and they are reinstated as agents. _

Part 1: Falling Apart

She had been thinking a lot about things lately. The last year had been a tough one. So much had changed. The way she viewed a lot of things, including herself, had changed. She had spent her whole life fighting the same battles. In Israel, there was no choice. But here… she had a choice. She needed to think. She needed to talk to someone. She needed to talk to him. So here she was, standing outside his door, trying to build up the confidence to knock.

It took Tony exactly 2 minutes to open the door. She counted.

"Hey, fancy seeing you here. Did we have plans that I forgot about," he asked her with his usual impish grin.

"No we did not. May I come in?"

"Of course," Tony said stepping aside.

Ziva walked in to the apartment and Tony closed the door behind her. "So… what's on your mind, Ms. Daaavieed?" he asked with a look that was somewhere between a smirk and curiosity. His eyes seemed to be boring in to her soul.

"I need to talk to you about something."

"Well, what's on your mind."

"Tony, this past year has been… difficult," she admitted, pacing back and forth across his living room.

"I know, I was there…" Tony sat down heavily on the coach. He was beginning to wonder where this was going.

"Yes. You were there. You were always there. You have always been there." She said stopping to look directly in to his eyes from where she stood.

Tony stayed silent. He was looking at her with that look again.

"Hey, what are friends for?" he said with a tight, somewhat sincere, yet almost sarcastic smile.

Ziva thought about broaching that subject… but on second thought decided that there are other things to talk about first. She took to her previous task of pacing the length of his living room.

"Tony, I am tiered. And not the kind of tiered that can be slept off. I am the kind of tiered that makes it impossible to sleep."

Tony said nothing. He only looked at her. In that look she could see so many things. This was another one of those moments where no words were needed. He knew this. He had known this for quite some time. She had said it before.

"This time, I do not think I can continue." She said it so quietly.

"To do what?"

"You know what. My entire life has resolved around this fight. Fighting against terrorists, enemies to the state, and murderers. Always fighting. Sometimes I feel like I am fighting against myself," she ended in a humorless laugh.

She stood looking at the other side of the room for a long time before looking back to him.

"What do you want Ziva?"

"I don't know anymore."

"I think that is your first problem. If you don't know what you want, what you're fighting for… how can you know what direction to go."

Ziva looked at him for a moment and decided to join him on the coach. She moved over to the opposite end, plopped down, and sighed.

"I think I just need some peace. I need to figure out what I am outside of… this. I was never given the opportunity or option to make these discoveries when I was young; I think I would like to do them now. What do you think?" The last question was tentative and unsure.

"I think that you could do anything you want to Ziva. You're an American now… welcome to the land of opportunity. I think you deserve the chance to find out these things about your self. I think you deserve every opportunity. I will support what ever decision you make."

Ziva looked at him again. There it was. She could see it in his eyes. Hear it in his voice. Feel it radiating from him.

"Tony, I just want you to know what your friendship has meant to me," she said looking down at her hands. She looked up to see him staring at her and he smiled.

"I know."

She stood up again and took to pacing the room once more. "No, I do not think you do."

"Ziva…"

"I am not always very good at expressing my self."

"Oh no, you have expressed yourself quite clearly."

"No! I have not."

His eyes snapped to hers and she visibly swallowed as she made her way to the coach and sat, this time right beside him.

"Surely you must know…" her eyes faltered as she blinked to control her emotions and thoughts, "I have always known."

"Could have fooled me," he said quietly.

She reached up to caress his face. She let her eyes search his. She could see it all there: love, friendship, caution, hurt, and somehow trust.

"We are not just friends, we are best friends, but there is more than that. I just do not know how much I can give right now."

"What are you saying Ziva."

Ziva looked in to his eyes and wished that she could say everything that he wanted to here. She wanted to tell him that she loved him. She wanted to tell him that they could be together. She wanted to tell him that even though she was leaving NCIS, that she was not leaving him. More than anything, she hated what she was about to say.

"I am saying that I do not have anything left to offer you Tony. I do not even know who I am anymore. I need to find my own way."

"Then I will wait. I have waited for eight years; I can wait a little bit longer. When you figure it out, I will be here."

His hand came up to cup hers that still lingered on his face. Tears stung the back of her eyes and she did her best to push them back.

"I can not ask you to wait for something that may never come." Her voice was barely above a whisper.

Their hands slid from his face and he clasped her had in both of his against his chest. "You're not asking…"

"No but I am answering the question you never asked. No Tony. I cannot do this. I am… so sorry. I wish I had another answer to give you."

"I wish a lot of things."

Tony then did something that she was not expecting. He leaned forward a lightly pressed his lips to hers. At first she stiffened against his kiss, but then she softened, just for a moment. And for that moment they both had everything that they wanted. Everything they thought they needed for so long. But it was not enough.

Ziva pulled back and looked in to his eyes. It was his turn to see everything that was left unsaid. In that moment she did her best to express everything that he needed. She wanted to reflect everything that he meant to her in her eyes.

Tony's eyes slid closed. He released a breath and whispered, "I was always afraid this day would come… the day when you left."

"I did not want this day to come. I wish…"

"I know."

Ziva leaned forward and let her forehead rest against Tony's. They stayed like that for what seemed like an eternity. Finally Ziva sat back and looked to the door, disentangling herself from his grasp.

"It is late, I should go."

"What will you do?"

She laughed a laugh filled with nervous energy. "I have been thinking… and I know this seems ridiculous… I am by far much older than the average student… but still; I was never given the opportunity… I think I would like to go to college."

Tony smiled at Ziva, reached across the expansion between them, and squeezed her hand.

"I think that is a great idea. You can do anything. I am convinced."

Relief washed over Ziva. She began to relax. She began to let herself hope that maybe, just maybe, she would not loose Tony in this forever.

"Thank you Tony. It is nice to know I have your support."

"Always."

She stood up at this point and began walking to the door. Tony followed. She turned to him and smiled. She decided that she could say at least one thing that she had wanted. "You know Tony, just because I am leaving NCIS does not mean that I am leaving you. Or anyone else for that matter."

"I know. Keep in touch. And if you need anything, I will always have your back."

"That is something I have always known." And with that she turned and left. She didn't know where she was going or where this road was leading her, but she knew that she had to follow it. She knew that her time at NCIS had been a great blessing. It had given her a home, a family, and opened the door for her to find the peace she so desperately needed. She was not leaving it behind; she would carry it with her. Her time there and the people that she loved would stay in her heart, Always.

_I know I ended with them not together. It just seems like a more plausible ending to her story. I hope I am wrong though and I will probably re-write their ending in my head or on here if they don't end up together. _


	2. Chapter 2

_So I think I unknowingly lied about this being a one shot. _

_Thanksgiving._

The team had just wrapped up a case involving a naval officer who turned a turkey in to a bomb for a joke and accidently took out part of a neighboring house. Over the years they had some strange cases but this one had to make the top 5. The team stood around the bullpen laughing and talking about the day's events.

"What I can't get is why you would think that it is a good idea to fill a turkey with cherry bombs in the first place," McGee laughed.

"I guess that's just a special kind of stupid," Gibbs responded.

At this point Abby chimed in, "speaking of turkeys, isn't it about time that we head over to Ducky's?"

Tony looked down at his watch. "Right, and speaking of time, I guess I should head to the airport to pick Ziva up."

The drive to the airport took 22 minutes. As he stood outside of the terminal exit his mind continued to wander. He hadn't seen Ziva in 2 months. The last time was at a going away party the team threw her the day before she left for New York. They had talked a little and everything was fine. A bit tense, but fine. From that day till now he had received 5 emails, 7 texts, and 2 phone calls, one of which was asking him to come pick her up from the airport.

A slowly growing trickle of people began to descend the stairs. Tony assumed that a flight had just landed. And then he saw her. She was walking down the stares looking just the same as she always had. The same crazy hair. The same cargo chic style. The same smile.

She came to rest right in front of him with a bright smile on her face. "Hello Tony," she said brightly.

"Hey," he said mirroring her expression.

There was something in her eyes that he had never seen before. It was the look of someone who was completely content, the look of someone at peace.

They grabbed her luggage and loaded into the car. For the first five minutes no one spoke. It was a silence that was both easy and thick. It wasn't uncomfortable, but there was a lot left unsaid.

"So, how's the big apple?" Tony asked looking at her through his peripherals.

"The apple? What apple?"

"You know the big apple, the city that never sleeps, the empire city, the greatest city in the world…. You know… New York." He said with his usual flair.

"Oh, well why could you not say that in the first place." She said in mock annoyance, though Tony could clearly see the smirk she was trying to hide.

"It has been great. I enjoy working as a translator. It is nothing to exciting but I guess that is what I have needed. Less excitement. I am really looking forward to starting classes in the fall."

"Have you decided what you want to go to school for."

"I have been thinking of a few things. International relations could be interesting, but it is a lot like what I am trying to get away from. I have never been one for politics anyway. Maybe International studies or anthropology would be better suited. I think I would like to help people and still be working for good… but just not by taking out the bad."

Tony nodded, listening to what she had to say.

"I was also thinking linguistics could be a good fit."

"What are you leaning more towards," he said taking a moment to look at her while stopped at the red light.

"I don't know yet," she said a little apprehensively, "what do you think?"

"I think that this is your decision."

"Yes it is, but I would still like to hear your opinion."

The light turned green and Tony began to accelerate through the intersection.

"Well… if you don't like politics I would stay away from International relations. International studies or anthropology could be good… but it just doesn't strike me as a good fit for you. Linguistics… just sounds like you."

She smiled at him from her side of the car. He gladly returned her smile before returning his gaze back to the road.

"I am a little nervous about working full time and taking a full class schedule. It will be a lot of work," she confessed looking out her window.

"You will be fine," was his quite reply.

The silence lapsed between them a little more at ease this time. It was several minutes before Ziva broke the silence again.

"So how have you been? Anything new?"

"Work's the same old, same old. People die, we investigate. People murder, we investigate. People hack in to the Pentagon, we investigate." He said all this as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

"Someone hacked in to the Pentagon?" Ziva questioned, her interest spiked as her old reflexes stirred.

"Yeah… but that's suppose to be top secret," he admitted with an impish grin that she was all too accustomed to.

"Well your secret is safe with me," she smiled.

"And… I have been seeing someone." Tony said this looking out the windshield, doing his very best to not glance her direction and to look and sound as relaxed as possible, like this was no big deal and a perfectly normal conversation for them to be having.

"Oh…" she replied with her best attempt at a genuine, un-encumbered smile.

"Her name is Mairin. She's a curator for the natural history museum."

"Mairin, that is a unique name."

"It means 'star of the sea.' It's Irish. She was born in Ireland. She moved to the states when she was 12."

"In Hebrew it means 'sea of sorrow'." Ziva said this with out thinking of how it would sound. The car fell quiet again for a few minutes.

"How long have you been seeing her?" Ziva did her best to feign nonchalant interest again.

"Almost two months. She was supposed to come tonight to meet everyone but her family flew in at the last minute. I will be ducking out a little early to join them."

"So it is serious? You are meeting each other's families so it must be."

"Maybe," he replied, the ghost of a smile on his lips.

"Are you happy Tony?" Ziva asked tentatively.

"Yeah… I think so," he replied, thinking back to a conversation where this same question had been asked. It seemed like a lifetime ago. "Are you?"

"I believe I am." Her voice was quite but certain. Though there was a part of her that was jealous, she was happy that he was happy. She was happy that he had moved on. More than that, she was just happy.

The remaining minutes in the car were held in silence once again. Through the ever-growing comfort in the silence of two people who knew each other completely, the realization hit Tony that though they had both moved on, they had not lost each other.

They arrived at Ducky's house a moment later. When Ziva walked through the door the people who meant the most to her in this world immediately surrounded her. Abby squealed and engulfed her in a forceful hug, followed by McGee and Jimmy. Ducky took her hand in his with a cheerful "welcome back my dear." Finally, she came to Gibbs. He pulled her in for a hug and whispered in her ear, "Glad you could make it home." Over his shoulder she locked eyes with Tony. He also carried a look in his eyes that she too had never seen. It was the same look that was in her eyes. It was peace. Here in the arms of her 'father,' Ziva knew that this was were she would always come back to, no mater how far her life took her, so she whispered back, "Always."

_I'm not sure yet… but I think this story might be far from over… _


	3. Chapter 3

_Christmas 2013_

Ziva stood in the bullpen of the building that she once called home. It was because of this place and the people in it that she was able to have the life that she now had, a life full of freedom and family. She was standing next Gibbs' desk feeling rather awkward. Though she had a place with the people here, she no longer had one in this room and on this team. They were going through evidence for a recent case and she was quietly observing, offering ideas occasionally. It was Christmas Eve and the snow fell softly outside the window.

Tony gave a heavy sigh from where he was sitting. She looked towards his desk and caught his eye. Ziva suppressed a laugh at the look on his face.

"Ok, lets call it a night," Gibbs ordered from his desk, "this one will just have to wait till after the holidays."

The temporary agent occupying Ziva's old desk for the moment stands up. It is a new recruit that Vance wanted to spend some time training with Gibbs. He wishes them a Merry Christmas and turns to leave, obviously feeling like an outsider.

"So… movie?" Toy asked with a grin that looked like that of a five-year-old on Christmas morning. The team had decided to turn last year's movie in MTAC in to a tradition.

"I'll go get Abby," McGee said heading to the elevator.

A look came across Gibbs' face. He looked up in the direction of the director's office, stood up, and silently walked up the stairs.

"I wonder what that's about…" Tony mused in the now empty office except for him and Ziva.

"You might not want to know…"

"Very true," He responded with an absent minded shake of his head as he thought back to past events. His eyes focused back on her, "So… you are about to be a college freshman… excited?"

She met his gaze and laughed, "I feel that I will be the oldest one in every class."

"Probably," he said with the same mischievous look in his eyes, "but I'm still proud of you." His eyes and tone were lightly sarcastic but she knew he meant it.

"So… how is Mairin? Will she be joining us?"

"Yes actually. I just texted her that we were done and she will be here in 15."

"I can not wait to meet her. Perhaps I have some interesting stories that I should share with her." The look on Ziva's face was conniving to say the least.

Tony's face fell a little. Her words had the desired effect on him. She watched him squirm in his seat for a moment.

"Like what?" he asked growing more and more uncomfortable by the second.

She pretended to ponder this for a moment, a small, satisfied smile on her lips, "Oh I do not know… there are so many to choose from…"

"You wouldn't dare," he said, his confidence returning.

Ziva smirked, her eyes dancing. "If you are sure."

His confidence began slipping again, "Would you? … perhaps this was not such a good idea," he said with an almost audible gulp.

"We will see," was her only response.

Easy silence filled the room after their light banter. Tony looked at Ziva and smiled. His voice became very serious.

He leaned towards her, his voice a barely audible whisper, "Can I tell you something?"

"Of course." Worry spread across her face for a brief moment due to the seriousness of his face.

A small smile graced his features and Ziva relaxed. He motioned for her to come closer, his eyes boring in to her. He slowly opened his top drawer and lifted out a small velvet box. Realization hit Ziva the moment she saw it. Her face fell as he opened it to reveal an engagement ring. She quickly composed herself and forced a smile on her face, taking the ring box in to her hands. It was a beautiful ring.

"When will you ask her?" she whispered, doing her best to sound happy for him.

"Tonight, after the movie."

"Here?" If there was anything in the world that she did not want to witness it was the engagement of the man sitting not a foot from her.

"No. I am going to take her for a walk, in the snow, by the Christmas lights on 5th."

Ziva lifted her eyes to his tentatively. "So soon?" she asked, hoping that her question wouldn't be taken badly.

"Yeah… I know it is fast… but she is perfect Zi. She is independent, intelligent, successful, beautiful, funny, loves movies… everything I could have wanted in a woman…. And, you know, I love her… so there is that," he said with a wistful smile.

Ziva closed the little black box and placed it in his hand and covered it with both of hers. "Congratulations Tony," she said very seriously, her voice soft and warm.

He smiled softly at her. It was a genuine smile of someone truly content. Even still there was something about it that was a little sad. He looked into her eyes and she could see that same look, the look that haunted his face for eight years. She reflected everything in it right back at him. She let go of his hand and looked away.

Tony let out a sigh, looking intently at the little box in his hands. "I just hope it goes better this time."

"I'm sure it will Tony, she is lucky to have you," Ziva responded, her gaze still out the window.

They heard the elevator ding and Tony was immediately to his feet. He walked to the elevator as a tiny, thin woman stepped across the threshold. She was quite a bit shorter than him, had very curly strawberry blond hair, and freckles on her nose. She was very beautiful but Ziva would expect no less from him. He guided over toward Ziva to make the introduction.

"Mairin, this is the one, the only, the Ziva David. Ziva, this is the light of my life, Mairin Brennan." He had his right arm draped over her shoulder and he was beaming.

"Hello, I have heard such good things about you. Tony says that you are his best friend," she said with a smile.

"And I have heard such great things about you. It is nice to finally meet you," she replied, matching her warm expression.

She looked up at Tony to find his eyes fixed on the side of Mairin's face. He had this look on his face that she was all too familiar with. It was the look she had seen so often directed at her. Coldness settled at the pit of her stomach. She had never imagined the day that she would see that look directed toward someone else. Over their phone calls and emails over the past few weeks Tony had talked a lot about Mairin. He had told her that he loved Mairin and she had heard it in his voice, sure. But to see it… it was overwhelming. She did her best to continue smiling as she watched them interact. Somewhere in the back of her mind she thought that she would be the soul owner of that look. She knew that she had no right to that look any longer. She had let that look go, or so she thought. It was then that she realized that she would never let that look go, no mater what happened she would carry it with her, always.

_I know, don't hate me. I promise I'm not a Tiva hater lol. All I can say is hang in there. Also, this is not my favorite chapter… _

_Also, I have a thing with name meanings. Mairin Brennan means sea of sorrow, sorrow… That's a lot of sorrow. Lol And if you were wondering, its pronounced May-rin. _

_Until next time. :D_


	4. Chapter 4

_Tony's wedding. May 2014_

Tony could not believe how time had flown by. It seemed like yester day he was dropping to his knees in the snow on Christmas Eve asking her to marry him, and here it was, the day before his wedding. He had made it this far before though. It had not turned out well the last time. He tried to sooth his nerves, telling himself that this was a different time, a different girl, and he was a different man. But still…

Tony shook these thoughts from his head, finished dressing, and left for the bar to meet the people he loved most for one last hurrah.

Tony walked in to the bar and spotted McGee, Palmer, Ducky, Abby, and Gibbs across the way. He assumed Bre was home with the baby. He made his way toward them only to be stopped by a hand on his shoulder. He knew who it was before he turned around.

"Ziva," he breathed as he pulled her in for an encompassing hug.

"Hello Tony," she smiled over his shoulder, a light laugh escaping her lips.

He had not seen Ziva sense Christmas Eve. They had continued to talk on the phone and email and kept each other updated on the happenings of life but it had been six long months sense she had been in DC.

"Look who I found," Tony teased as they made there way to the table. Abby was around the table so fast that if Ziva wasn't expecting it, it would have knocked them both to the ground. Gibbs stood up next and wrapped an arm around her with a, "welcome home kid." The rest of the team followed and they soon fell in to easy conversation. They talked and laughed and teased Tony about the kind of bachelor party that they had expected him to want. Tony was perfectly content with this evening though, having buried long ago his playboy ways… well mostly anyway.

The night's festivities gave little chance for Tony and Ziva to communicate. Through their conversations with the group they were able to update on each other's lives.

"So… tell me about your new man. I mean, is he cute? He must be cute, that is a stupid question. Are y'all serious? Do you love him? Is he a good man?" Abby began peppering Ziva with questions about her new boyfriend.

Tony was well aware of this new development, having been told by Ziva four months prior and they had, had a lengthy conversation about him. Even so, Tony was curious about Ziva's answers.

Ziva chuckled. "Abby, you must slow down and ask one question at a time for me to answer properly."

"Well…"

"Yes I would say he is cute," she said with a smile, "and he is a very good man. He is a lawyer. His name is Tristan."

Gibbs groaned at this information. "Rule #13, David."

"I know, I know… but, I think you would actually like him… despite the lawyer thing."

"We'll see," he replied, taking a sip of his beer.

"Actually, you will all see… tomorrow," she finished, staring intently at her drink in front of her.

Tony looked surprised at her for a moment before he remembered, "Oh yeah, you did check plus one, didn't you."

"Yes… I was not sure, but I hoped."

McGee, who had been quite for most of this conversation, piped up, "So I guess if you're bringing him to a wedding and down to meet the family… it must be serious, huh?"

Ziva smiled, staring in to her drink again. "I guess it is… that, and… we have decided to move in together after we get back."

Tony was happy that Ziva seemed to be so happy. She seemed like she was starting to settle down. Somewhere in the pit of his stomach, that stung. She was finally doing what she couldn't do with him. He shook it off and looked up to see Ziva staring at him. He gave her a genuine smile that she returned, though her eyes never lost their intensity.

The rest of the evening went by quickly and they all slowly made there way home to their beds, to sleep off whatever alcohol they had consumed and hoped that there would be no repercussions tomorrow. It was a big day after all.

The sunbeams poured through the curtains in his bedroom the next morning as he awoke to the sound of his phone ringing. "Dinozzo," he said groggily in to the phone.

"Tony! Where are you! You were suppose to be here an hour ago," Mairin snapped through the phone.

Tony's mind began to clear as her realized what was going on. He was supposed to be at the church for pictures at 9, even though the wedding was not till 2. He groaned as he looked at the clock. "I am so sorry Mai, I'll be there in 20." He hung up and quickly dressed and was out the door.

The rest of the day went by in a whirl. They took pictures at 10:30 when Tony finally arrived, Mairin nagging him the whole time. Next they had lunch with their families separately, though that was over much too quickly, and then it was time to get ready for the wedding.

Though he was able to meet Tristan briefly during lunch, he had yet to get the chance to talk to him. It wasn't till they were to be "getting ready" that he was able to talk to him. Tony had chosen to make Ziva an unconventional best man, so she was in the room with the other boys, waiting for the ceremony.

"So Tristan, I hear you are a lawyer? What kind of cases do you handle?" Tony asked, putting out an effort as Ziva had with Mairin. They even emailed back and forth a little bit.

"Oh I do a lot of children's rights stuff. A lot of probono. I use to handle custody battles and adoptions. The adoptions were fun but I hated the custody stuff. It really tears those kids apart you know…"

At this point Tony zoned out, his babbling reminding him a little of Abby. It was clear to him though that he was a man with a big heart and loved what he did. He was glad for that.

Not long after that they received a five-minute warning and Tristan went to go find a seat. Soon it was time to start and Tony went to his place, prepared to enter from the side when the family was seated. He took his place as the bridesmaids and groomsmen (and women) began their decent down the isle. First was McGee and Sharon, then Gibbs and some girl whose name he had forgotten, then it was Ziva and the made of honor, Casey.

Tony's breath hitched for a moment as Ziva made her way down the isle, her eyes boring in to his but her mouth giving a convincing smile. She was dressed in a knee length blue dress that matched the bridesmaids with a black blazer and a silver bowtie around her neck. Her outfit was funny in a cute way but he didn't notice that. His eyes were trained on her face the entire way up the isle. He couldn't stop the momentary flash of her in a white dress walking towards him. He tried to shake the image but she was now coming up to stand beside him. His eyes were still locked with hers when the music changed and he almost missed the entrance of the bride. As soon as he laid his eyes on Mairin his thoughts were wiped away and he knew this was right.

The ceremony passed quickly and before he knew it, it was time for the rings. Tony turned to Ziva, his eyes locking with hers once more. She had tears in her eyes and the look on her face was unreadable. Her mouth was smiling but her eyes told a different story. Tony took the ring from her, there hands touching momentarily, his eyes burning in to hers, questioning. She just handed him the ring and did her best to smile more. Tony turned around and his eyes met his beautiful brides. She looked up at him with that look he use to see in Ziva's eyes. He took a deep breath, praying that this was the right decision. He smiled as he repeated after the minister and slid the ring on to her finger. The next thing he knew was that the preacher was pronouncing them Mairin and Anthony Dinozzo and instructing them to kiss. Tony leaned in and cupped Mairin's face and he kissed her. It was a brief kiss, but with that kiss he made a promise. Tony knew the weight of the promise he was making. A promise to be her husband and to have eyes only for her. A promise to love her, Always.

_Ahhh… I know! Tony married her! Again just hang in there. I do know where this is going and I think y'all will like it (I hope so anyway). I also promise this isn't going to turn very unethical or overly dramatic (ie no Tony having an affair with Ziva. That would not be right or do the characters justice.) _

_Also, Tristan = noise or sorrow. Again, I have a thing for name meanings. Lol _


	5. Chapter 5

_Friday, February 13, 2015 _

It was late in the evening when Ziva heard the door to the apartment open. She was sitting at the kitchen table, her food growing cold. Tristan was late again. She looked up at the clock. 8:45. He said he would be home by 7.

Tristan entered the room sheepishly, looking around like he was expecting a trap. "Hey Babe," he said through a timid grin, "I know I said I would be home by 7, but something came up at work."

"It is fine," she said coolly; looking at him through empty, narrow eyes.

He came over and kissed the top of her head and picked up the plate of food that she had laid out for him and headed to the microwave.

"Tony and Mairin will be here in ten minutes," Ziva said with an air of annoyance. Of all the days for him to pull this it had to be today.

The truth was that the four of them had become quite close sense the wedding. She genuinely started to like Mairin and Tony seemed to get along rather nicely with Tristan. They had seen each other several times over the summer. Ziva had traveled down between summer school sessions and had spent the last three weeks of the summer in DC. They had even spent the last weekend together on a mini vacation at the beach.

One knight in October, Tony had called Ziva and told her that Mairin was pregnant. She could hear the excitement in his voice. They seemed so happy and she was happy for them. She had long begun to make piece with their marriage. He asked her not to say anything to anyone, except perhaps Tristan, because they weren't going to tell the family until after the end of the first trimester. They decided that they could each pick one person, or couple, to tell, and Tony had picked Ziva.

They told the family at Christmas. It was an exciting moment for their family. Abby gushed about becoming an aunt and Ducky gave a warm toast to the soon-to-be parents. Tony had pulled Gibbs aside at one point and asked him if the baby could call him Pop, which he loved. It was all very wonderful, but short-lived. On January 8th Mairin miscarried. It tore them both apart, but Mairin was inconsolable. It was part of the reason Tony had asked if they could come up to New York for Valentines weekend. He thought the change in pace and distance would do them some good. Things were rocky between them.

When Tony walked through the door at 9:15, she could see it on his face. Ziva looked in to his eyes and saw nothing but darkness, his usual mischievous twinkly replaced with emptiness and distance. He smiled, his smile nothing more than an empty attempt at what it use to be. Ziva looked to the side, not wishing so see that look any longer.

She recovered quickly and gave a warm, enthusiastic welcome to Mairin, who's own eyes held noting but despair. The foursome made some light chitchat about work and the weather before heading to a bar down the street that Ziva and Tristan frequented.

The evening drug on, awkward and desolate. Ziva made a mental note to do her best to get Tony alone for a few minutes during their stay. The night ended around 11 and Tony and Mairin headed back to their hotel.

They had a full day planned the next day. It was Valentines Day and they decided to spend the day going to the Met, taking a walk through central park, and heading to Broadway to see a matinee performance of Wicked. At this point they would go their separate directions, as it was Valentines Day. Tony was planning on taking Mairin to a very nice restaurant before walking around Time Square. Ziva did not know Tristan's plans.

As they were walking around the Met, Ziva let Tristan and Mairin get ahead of her and Tony. While they were pretending to look intently at a piece of art, Ziva quietly whispered to Tony, "What is going on between the two of you?"

"Nothing," was Tony's only reply.

"I can see that is not true Tony," she said, staring in to his face fiercely, her face only inches from his.

"No, it really is nothing," he said, keeping his eyes trained on the painting, "and that is the problem."

Tony let out a deep, soulful sigh before continuing. "She doesn't talk to me. She doesn't look at me. She doesn't touch me. Its like she is a ghost."

Ziva nodded her head thoughtfully, remembering all the times she had behaved this was towards him when she was struggling.

"She's not even walking with me. She won't hold my hand. She did not say a single word to me the entire drive up here. I don't know what to do Ziva."

Tony finally met Ziva's eyes. She had never seen him so despaired.

Ziva placed her hand reassuringly on his arm and replied, "Just keep trying, and give her some time."

His eyes faltered and he looked away. "I know it's only been a month. I just wish she would not push me away so much."

They were quiet for a few moments, pretending to look at the next painting, before Ziva spoke up again, "How much have you been drinking?"

"Too much."

Ziva nodded again, knowing. They decided they should probably move on before the others noticed their lagging.

The rest of the morning and after noon passed quickly. They took a short stroll through central park, having to cut their plan short due to the fact that it was much too cold out. They re-routed to a dinner a couple of blocks away and grabbed lunch. The musical was fantastic, as expected, and they parted a little after 5. Mairin seemed to liven up after the day's festivities, but she kept looking at Ziva with a look that she couldn't fully understand.

Ziva and Tristan's evening was nice and relaxing. He took her to her favorite restaurant, where he gave her a necklace with a heart shaped diamond pendent. After that they picked up desert at a very good, and way over priced, bakery that Ziva also loved and headed home to relax in the privacy of their own apartment.

The next morning the two couples met up for breakfast at the Starbucks across the street from Tony and Mairin's hotel. From there they headed to the Empire state building and on to the statue of liberty. They went back to the apartment after that for Ziva to make lunch before Tony and Mairin began their drive home. Ziva made one of Tony's favorites, Lasagna. The lunch was going well, every one was talking and seemed happy. They laughed about funny things that had happened during their time as partners, they told each other about funny things that they had seen. Everything was at peace.

Tony was sitting next to Ziva at the small round kitchen table. During lunch he noticed the new necklace. "It looks good on you," he said, looking into her eyes, suggesting that he was talking not just about the necklace but the man who had given it to her.

"I know," she smiled and looked in to his eyes. Their eyes lingered there for a moment. Sharing in contentment. Things seemed to be improving between Mairin and Tony for the last two days. Ziva reached over and squeezed Tony's hand. Maybe they had talked.

It was then that Mairin stood up quickly, knocking her chair to the floor and pushing her plate of the table with a crash. Tony looked up at her, stunned.

"I AM RIGHT HERE!" she bellowed before she turned to storm out of the apartment.

Tony barely had time to register what was going on before he sprang to his feet and out the door. Tristan looked at Ziva questioningly as they began to hear there muffled fight through the door. Ziva shrugged, just as confused and shocked as everyone else.

Tony and Mairin where having a full fledged screaming match in the hallway, though Mairin did most of the screaming. They could not hear all of it but the bits and pieces they could hear made Ziva shrink.

"I can see the way you look at her," Mairin bellowed. They could not make out Tony's muffled reply. What ever he had said elicited a, "don't lie to me" from Mairin.

More muffled talking seeped through the door that Ziva assumed was Tony before she heard Mairin's quick "NO!"

"Will you listen to me?" Tony's voice was beginning to rise.

The next few sentences were unintelligible. It sounded as if Mairin had begun to cry. What they could make out involved the words "looks" and "wedding" and "museum."

"PLEASE LISTEN TO ME, THERE IS NOTING GOING ON!" Tony bellowed at her.

At this point Ziva stood and crossed the apartment, her hand on the doorknob, debating whether she should get involved. She decided and opened the door slowly, a calm look on her face. Tony was standing in front of her door facing to the side. What little of his face she could see was pinched in a painful look, his eyes narrowed in anger.

Ziva stepped out in to the hall. "Please come back inside Mairin," she said calmly, "lets talk about this." Mairin's face was red from all the screaming and tear tracks ran down her cheeks.

"No, I will not go back inside to watch you two make love with your eyes," she said incredulously.

"Mairin, you have to believe me there is nothing going on between Tony and I, we are just friends," was Ziva's desperate reply.

"I promise you honey, we have nothing but friendship for each other," Tony pleaded.

Mairin looked between them coolly. "Than prove it," her voice like ice.

Ziva and Tony exchanged glances. "How?" Tony said quietly.

"I never want you to see each other again. Ever. No phone calls. No emails. No holidays. Nothing."

Tony and Ziva stood frozen in the hall. Tristan was now standing in the doorway surveying the ongoing fight. Tony slowly turned to Ziva, his eyes searching for hers, questioning. Ziva looked at him and did her best to poor in to that look everything she needed to say. She did her best to tell him in one look that she understood, that it was ok, that she would miss him, and that she was at peace with what was going to happen next. She wanted him to agree to Mairin's terms, even if it would hurt her so badly. In that look there was still that glimmer in her eyes, one that had been long forgotten. Behind that look was the same love that had been there from the beginning. It had taken on many faces over the years. This was the final act of love that she could give him. She could let him go.

He turned and looked at Mairin and slowly nodded, his face distant and dark. With out a word he pushed past Ziva and Tristan to collect their belongings from the apartment. He looked strait ahead over Ziva's shoulder as he passed back through. He walked a few paces and stopped, with his back to her he whispered, "Goodbye Ziva." Ziva did not respond. He walked down the hall, Mairin following, stepped in to the elevator at the end of the hall and out of her life. Forever.

"Goodbye Tony," she whispered after the doors to the elevator closed. She turned and wrapped her arms around Tristan's neck and began to cry. Tristan pulled back and led her inside before he turned and wiped the tears from her eyes. His eyes were full of compassion and understanding.

"He was my best friend," she croaked out before burring her face in his shirt.

She stood like this for a very long time, just thinking. Thinking about the day she met Tony and their oh so infamous conversation about phone sex. She thought about all of the times that Tony had been there for her, all the times he had found her. She thought of all the missed opportunities over the years. She thought of the conversation that dealt with the feelings that had been boiling just under the surface for so long. She had long thought that she had made a mistake that night. Sure she loved Tristan, but there was something about Tony… She thought about the fact that she might never see him again and the idea was too much. A gnawing, cold ace settled in to her stomach. A growing void started in her heart, a void that could never be filled, a void that never wanted to be filled with anything or anyone but Tony. She knew that this void was not something that would go away, or something that would go away with time, but a void she would carry with her, every day, always.

End of Part 1: Falling Apart.

_So… Mairin pulled an Emily/Ross/Rachel. I have a love/hate relationship with this chapter. I actually like the way I wrote it and love the path it is setting them up for… but it's just heart breaking. I would love some feedback. :) _

_I still promise that I know where this is going and that it will end peacefully, whatever that may mean. :P Again, hang in there. _

_I also wanted to say that I am in no way trying to villanize Mairin in this chapter or belittle what a great loss that would be. _


	6. Chapter 6

_Two years later. January 2017_

Part 2: coming together or staying apart

It had been two long years sense Anthony Dinozzo had seen his ex-partner and friend Ziva David. So much had happened in these two years. He had been promoted to team leader and was no longer on team Gibbs, he had his own team now. It was a hard transition at first, but it was nice to have his own team. He still saw Gibbs and Tim often, as his office was only on the other side of the half wall that divided their cubicles.

He was told by McGee that Ziva and Tristan had become engaged six months ago. He knew that they were planning to have the wedding in DC in October of this year. He made the mistake of telling Mairin of his newfound information. She was very angry, accusing him of lying to her and even of cheating on her. Tony had thought that maybe the news would make Mairin re-think this whole no contact thing… it hadn't.

The last six months had been ruff, granted the previous year and a half hadn't been a walk in the park either. Mairin and Tony's relationship had been strained for a long time now. They had seen councilors and tried to talk things through. The truth was that Mairin had become more and more controlling as time went on. She wanted to know where Tony was every second of the day, and when he didn't comply with her ridiculous demands, she would freeze him out. The councilor said that she felt that she could not control her own life and body, so she was trying to control Tony's.

Mairin was not the only one at fault though, and Tony knew it. He was so angry after what happened in New York, and rightly so. He let it go to far though. He had also made a decision in that hall. He made the right decision, he knew. He was married, and that meant that she had to come before everyone else; but still, he made that decision. He made the decision to marry her even though he still had feelings for Ziva. He had long begun to feel that that was a mistake. The ever-growing chasm of mistrust and cool affects took its toll on their marriage; but still Tony had made a promise. Till death do us part.

How was it then that he was standing outside this door? He thought of the events of the last 72 hours and shuttered. He lifted his had and knocked tentatively. After a moment the door swung open. "Tony?" Ziva said, concern and surprise coloring her voice.

"Hey," Tony said with a half smile, full of bitterness.

Ziva's eyes scanned over Tony, drinking in his disheveled look. His face was scruffy, his eyes red with exhaustion, his suit wrinkled. "Tony, why are you here?" she asked, still standing in the doorway.

Tony smiled dryly, "couldn't live with out you, I guess," he said, referring to a conversation from years ago.

Ziva stepped back and let Tony in to the apartment. She turned and looked at him as she shut the door. "Where is Mairin?"

Tony sat down heavily on the coach and let out a sigh that seemed to come from the very bottom of his soul. "Gone," was his one word reply.

"What do you mean gone? Did she leave you?" Ziva asked as she sat down in the chair diagonal from him.

Tony let out a mirthless laugh and smirked, his head nodding, his eyes downcast. "Leave me, oh yeah, she left me." His eyes narrowed at something Ziva couldn't see.

"What happened Tony?"

Tony looked up and met Ziva's eyes. He could see the concern there. He took a moment to really look at her. She looked good, a little older due to the thin lines that were spreading their way from the corner of her eyes, but very good.

"Things were never right between us after that day. I know that I should have let it go, but she just became more and more abstinent as time went on. It takes two to let it get to where we ended up though," he said, turning his gaze out of her living room window. "She cheated on me," he whispered to the window.

Tony then described the last few days to Ziva. He described how he had been suspecting that something wasn't right for a couple of month now but could never put his finger on it. He described how he figured out that she had lied to him about an out of town conference with the Jeffersonian. How he had known the second he knew she had lied. Tony told her of how he had called all of the hotels that he thought she might go to till he found her. He described knocking on the door to that hotel room. He described what it felt like for another man to answer the door in only a robe. Then he told her what it felt like for Mairin to tell him that she didn't love him any more and that she was leaving him.

In truth, Tony felt relived. He was sad, angry, and betrayed, but at least it was over. That night he had gone home and gotten stupid drunk. He slept it off on the coach and then got in his car with no regard for where he was headed. It was then that he found himself in front of Ziva's door.

Ziva gently placed her had on Tony's arm. "I am so sorry Tony. You did not deserve that."

Tony slowly nodded his head, "yap… and yet it happened," his bitter tone biting at the words. Tony felt the overwhelming urge to throw something or break something. He was angry for so many reasons, angry with Mairin for not trying when he had, angry with her for not being faithful when he had, and finally, he was angry for the time she had stolen away from his friendship with Ziva. He was also angry with himself because he had let her do all of those things. He had been cold, distant, and secretive. He was also angry at himself for marrying her.

Tony looked up and smiled at her, "its nice to see you. I have missed you my friend."

"I am glad to see you too, I wish it was under better circumstances," she replied, her thumb gently rubbing his arm reassuringly.

"So, where's Tristan?"

"Working, ever sinsce he made partner it seems like he is never home, but he is doing some good," she said with a smile, obviously proud of him.

Tony gave Ziva his best attempt at a smile, "so how have you been… you know… over the last two years?"

"I am doing very well. I am in my last semester of school. I am graduating a year early because of all the summer courses I took," she looked up at Tony with a proud look on her face.

"I am very proud of you Ziva."

"Thank you. And… Tristan and I are engaged," she said tentatively, not wishing to rub her happiness in for his obvious misery.

"I know, McGoo told me. Congratulations," he said, his voice laced with his usual joking tone but he still managed to sound genuine in a way that only he could.

They let the silence roll between them, comforting and relaxed. They were finally together again after such a long separation. There had been hardly a day that went by that he hadn't thought of Ziva. They let the rest of the evening pass in easy conversation about their lives and family. Tony told Ziva about his promotion, which she said she knew about from talking to Abby. She told him about her classes and several job offers she already had, several of which were in DC but she couldn't take because of Tristan. They then had a long discussion, and a rather humorous one at that, about Abby and McGee and their long awaited romance. At 10:30 Tony felt the emotion and exhaustion of the last few days crash around him. He went to leave when Ziva offered him the spare bedroom. He complied and she brought him an old t-shirt and some shorts of Tristan's.

He heard the door of the apartment open a few minutes later and Tristan's voice filled the apartment. He heard Ziva inform him of his presence and explained the situation with Mairin. Tristan sounded sympathetic and said that he was glad he had come. Ziva said she was too.

Hours later, Tony was lying in the spare room of his soon to be married ex-partner and ex-best friend. He was glad he had come here. He had missed her so much. He was genuinely happy for Ziva and Tristan. Tristan was a good man and anything that made Ziva happy made Tony happy too. That was the problem with his relationship with Mairin. They were not and had never been best friends. The re-establishment of his friendship with Ziva meant a lot to him. Through this whole mess with Mairin, he needed the one thing that she was unable to give him, support. She never had his back. He needed his best friend and now that they had each other again there would be nothing that could separate them. Tony knew that Tristan wouldn't because Tristan was sure about his relationship with Ziva, which was something that Mairin never was with him. That, he supposed, was at least partially his fault. He drifted in to sleep with the soothing knowledge that he would have Ziva in his life again, always.

_Well there we are. I hated having Mairin cheat and leave Tony, it just made the most sense for how I wanted this story to go. _

_Feedback is appreciated. _


	7. Chapter 7

_Thank you to all of you that have reviewed. _

_It is a shame she cheated, but that was the only way I was going to be able to break them up. In my book marriage is forever, so I wanted Tony to marry her because I wanted Ziva to lose him, I mean really lose him, which she did. They didn't talk for 2 years. It had to be Mairin to break it off by cheating b/c I was never going to have Tony leave her, especially not for another woman. Like I said, marriage is forever in my book and cheating is the only reason to leave (that or abuse and I wasn't going to go that rout). Ziva realized that she was losing him on the day of the wedding and she had come to terms with it in New York. We'll see if she decides to go after him now or if he has to come to terms with losing her. All I can say is that the ball is definitely in her court. It's her move. Will she move on or will she fight for Tony? We will see. :) _

_Friday, May 19__th__ 2017 – Ziva's Graduation_

Their plane landed at 8 pm. Ziva anxiously waited by the outside the terminal for her family to arrive. She spotted Gibbs silver head first. She ran to meet them, stopping just short of plowing into Gibbs. She threw her arms around his neck. "I am so glad you have come!" she exclaimed in to his ear.

"Whoa Ziver, its good to see you too." He said with a smile and a chuckle.

She released Gibbs as the rest of the group began to pull her in for a hug. Taking turns enveloping her and warmly shaking Tristan's hand. Everyone was there excluding Palmer and the director, Palmer not able to leave due to his wife who was expecting a baby any day now, and the director had to manage the ship while his team was away. They had to call a cab in addition to Ziva's car because they couldn't all fit, and headed to Ziva's apartment. The rest of the evening was passed laughing, talking, and excitedly discussing the following day's activities.

The night ended early because of the big day that would be tomorrow. Abby and McGee would be staying in the spare bedroom while the three men went to a nearby hotel.

The next morning the sun rose to a beautiful day. The sky was blue and clear. They met at a diner not far from Ziva's for breakfast at 8, graduation started at 10 and Ziva had to be there by 9.

Soon it was time for Ziva to line up with the graduates and they made their way to the campus of Columbia University. After the waiting, the processions, and the speeches were all finished, it was time for the reason they were all there to begin. Soon it was Ziva's turn. She climbed the stairs in a surreal trance. She walked across the stage, her legs feeling like they belonged to someone else. She reached out her hand and took the diploma from the chancellor, shook his hand, and turned to look out at the crowd. She could see her family from where she stood. They were clapping excitedly. Tristan smiled up at her, beaming. McGee had an excited look on his face. Ducky looked like a very proud grandfather. The look on Gibbs face was one of joy and pride. He looked like the proudest father in the room. If she was not mistaken, his eyes shone with unshed tears. The look on Tony's face was all too familiar. It was that same look that she had known from the beginning, the look she was beginning to get use to seeing again. This time it was mixed with something else, adoration. Ziva made her way off the stage to see Abby down front in the picture-taking area with a camera in her hands. She smiled at her as she snapped another picture.

After the ceremony ended, Abby insisted on getting some group shots. She got a few with them all together, then one with just Ziva and Gibbs, Ziva and Tristan, and then just Tony and Ziva. She then had Tristan take a picture of the team including her and then one of just her and Ziva. The rest of the day was spent together, sightseeing and enjoying each other's company. That night they went to an upscale bar and restaurant to celebrate properly. It was during that time that Tony and Ziva found a moment to themselves. Abby had drug Tim out to the dance floor and Gibbs and Ducky were at the bar. Tristan was in the restroom.

"So," Tony broke the ice after a few seconds of silence, "how does it feel to be a college graduate? Is it everything you hoped it would be?"

"Yes and no," she said, turning to meet his eyes with a smile, "I thought I would feel more relieved or accomplished, but really I just feel like I did yesterday. I mean, I am excited sure, but it feels like nothing has changed."

"Except everything has changed. Look at us. You're a college graduate and engaged, I'm a divorcee and have my own team, Gibbs is a couple of years away from retirement, Abby and McGee are… well, Abby and McGee…"

"True. I know it will not be the same if I move back to Washington."

"I thought that Tristan wanted to stay in New York."

"It is a discussion. I think maybe he is coming around. Did I tell you I got an offer from NCIS and the Pentagon in their linguistics departments?"

Tony looked at her with a bright smile. "No you didn't. I'm not surprised though, you are the best."

Ziva smiled and looked down. "Thank you," she quietly whispered to her lap. She looked up and locked eyes with him. Just then Tristan returned from the restroom. They sat in silence for a few moments before Tony turned to Tristan and asked, "May I steal your girl for a dance." Tristan hesitated for a brief moment before smiling and responding, "sure."

Ziva followed him out onto the dance floor as a slow, sweeping melody began to fill the air. He pulled her close, just like he had in Berlin. Ziva had noticed that Tony had taken her as far away from the others as possible. She looked up in to his eyes and smiled, finding that look once again in his eyes. She let her self melt into him just a bit and reveled in the feeling of their hands clasped, his hand securely on her waist and her hand resting on his shoulder. She thought to herself of how she could get use to the feeling of Tony's arms around her. If she would have looked around she would have noticed all of their friends watching them. She would have noticed Gibbs knowing look. She would have also noticed the look on Tristan's face, a look of a mixture of jealousy and something else not quite peaceable. But no, she noticed none of these things; she only noticed the feel of Tony, the looks they shared, and how she wanted to stay in his arms, forever and always.

_I'm trying to wrap this story up. I don't think I would want to keep writing it after the premier, i'll probably be too depressed lol. This is the beginning of the end my friends. Only 3 more chapters, which are all written already, accept the next to last one. Feedback is welcome. _


	8. Chapter 8

June 1st 2017

_Bang, bang, bang. _Tony woke with a start, unsure of the reason for his waking. The fog from being wrenched from a deep sleep began to dissipate and the sound of a loud pounding began to register in his brain. Some one was at the door. He rolled over to look at the clock. The harsh glow of the alarm clock shown 3:23 am. Who in the world was at his door after 3 in the morning? He grabbed his piece off the nightstand and made his way to the door. He peered through the peephole and pulled the door open.

"Sheesh, Ziva. What are you doing here?" he said thickly, rubbing his eyes. He stepped aside, allowing her entrance in to the apartment. He placed his gun on the table next to the door and turned to face her.

Ziva and Tristan had been in town for the last week to meet with several venues for the wedding as well as for Ziva to meet with both NCIS and the Pentagon to discus the specifics of the job offers.

"I am sorry to wake you Tony, I could not sleep. I needed to talk to you about something." She said as she went to sit on the couch.

"And you're sure it couldn't wait till morning."

"I was afraid I would lose my nerve by morning."

This last sentence peeked Tony's interest. He looked at her and noticed that her eyes were red and puffy, like she had been crying. "What is it Ziva?" he said as he made his way to take a seat next to her on the couch.

The look on Ziva's face was one of confusion. She looked like she was in the middle of an intense argument with herself. Tony reached out and took her hand in his, bringing her back to reality. She looked up into his face with a look of pure torture.

"I am so confused," she confessed, "I do not know what to think or feel anymore. What am I suppose to do?"

Tony looked at her, a hint of sarcasm tracing his features. "Why Ms. David, if I didn't know any better I would think that you were getting a bad case of cold feet."

Ziva stood and began to pace around the living room, wringing her hands. "That is what I thought at first. I thought that I was just nervous about such a big commitment. We have been arguing a lot about where to live. He said he was open to moving to DC but the more we talked about it the more abstinent he became. And then I thought: if something like where we are to live is bothering me this much, maybe it is not right. This is a relatively small thing considering. I don't know, there is something that just seems… off. And then there is… "

Ziva faltered for a moment, something else obviously on her mind. Tony looked at her, waiting for her to continue. When she did not he broke the silence. "And then there is… what?"

Ziva stopped her pacing for a moment, her eyes meeting his. The look on her face was one of uncertainty. She just stood there, her eyes on his, before she finally broke the silence. "You know what," her voice barely a whisper.

If Tony hadn't been paying attention, he might have missed this last comment. However vague it might have been, Tony had no questions about what she meant. Tony didn't move. He stared at Ziva from where he sat; afraid the slightest movement would somehow change the meaning that he knew was behind that last sentence. Silence filled the room, thick and unsure. No one moved. No one spoke.

Tony finally let out a deep sigh, running his hands trough his hair. He looked down at the carpet, doing his best to collect his scrambled thoughts. On one hand he wanted to shout for joy, on the other hand he feared that handling the next few moments wrong would cost him her for the rest of his life. The idea of loosing her (though he had not even known that having her was even a possibility a few moments ago) was too much for him. Taking a deep breath he finally looked up at Ziva.

She had apparently misinterpreted his silence as rejection. Her face looked crestfallen and knowing, like she was heart broken but had expected noting less. He slowly stood up, making his way to stand not a foot from her. Her eyes were cautious as she watched him come to rest in front of her. Tony reached up, softly trailing his thumb down her cheek. Tony was lost for words in this moment, so he said nothing. He did his best to pore out is thoughts and feelings in to this one look. He could see so much in her eyes.

Ziva slowly leaned forward, reaching up on to her tippy-toes and pressed a kiss to his lips gently. He met her tentatively at first but soon the kiss took on a life of its own. Their lips began a beautiful dance, matching each other tit for tat. The kiss deepened, hungry and inflamed from emotion. They parted after a moment, breathless, pulled tightly against each other. Ziva shook her head for a moment and pushed her self out of his embrace. She was retreating and he knew it, so he through caution to the wind.

"I love you," he breathed out into the small space between them. Ziva didn't move, her eyes were boring into his as tears slowly began to fill her eyes. Tony took this as a sign to continue. "I always have. I never stopped. Mairin was right. I tried to deny it. I convinced myself that I didn't love you a thousand different times. The only reason I married Mairin that day was because I thought that you didn't love me. It's the only reason I even proposed to her. All this time, and it was _always_ you. Everyday for two years, it was you. And today, today it is still you."

After his little speech he stood as still as a statue, just waiting for her to respond. When she did it wasn't what he expected in the slightest. "I love him, Tony. I am engaged and I love him."

Tony took a step back, turning away from her, shaking his head as if to erase that last sentence. "Don't do this," he said turning back to her. Her face was like cold stone.

"I am sorry for kissing you, I should not have done that," she said calmly, "I should not have come here."

Her admission was too much for Tony. Anger boiled up in him, threatening to spill over at any moment, and spill it did. His eyes met hers, anger blazing out of them. "Then why did you!?" he spat. "I was fine, FINE, with out this," he said, motioning between them, "We were friends, everything was good."

"I am sorry, I was just confused," she pleaded, "can we just let this go, pretend that it never happened?"

"NO!" he shouted, "next time your confused go for a run, call Abby, or talk to your FIANCE! Don't come over here and say things. You can't just kiss me and then ask me to forget about it. You knew what this was!" His face fell into a look of misery. "How could you?" he asked, his voice nothing but a breath.

"I am so sorry Tony. You are right; I should not have come. It's just that… I love him but… then I look at you, or think about you and I just," her voice faltered as tears started to slide down her face. She was shaking from head to toe. "I just do not know what to think. I do not know what to feel. It… it is like you are gravity, just pulling me in. As long as I do not see you or think about you everything is fine. I am happy. And I love him again. You are right; we cannot go back to the way things were. It has to be a clean break this time."

"Fine," he snapped, not looking up to her face. "Please leave."

"I don't want to leave it like this…"

"How do you want to leave it? What? What happens now Ziva? You said you wanted a clean break, well me too. This is it. I can't do this anymore. I never want to see you again!"

Tony finally looked up at Ziva, his face resolute. The look on Ziva's face was one of anger and hurt.

"Don't… DON'T say that!" she half yelled, turning her back on him.

"What did you expect? What do you want Ziva?" he spat at her.

"I DO NOT KNOW!" she yelled back at him, turning on him and throwing her hands in to the air. Her face was flushed and she was panting.

Tony was a little taken aback. She was so unsure. His voice softened a little, "After all this time, how could you not know?"

Tears were slowly making their way down her face again. "I have to go."

She half ran to the door but Tony got there first, "Please Ziva. I know you feel it, I _know_ you do. It's you and me. I have always known that in the end we're supposed to end up together. Don't do this. Please don't marry him." Tony had his shoulder against the door with his hand holding a tight grasp on Ziva's right wrist. She struggled against his hold for a moment, her eyes anywhere but his. She stopped fighting for a brief second and looked at him. She let a sob escape her lips. She shook her head no one last time and wrenched her wrist from his hand. He stepped away from the door, his heart breaking.

He watched as she slowly pulled the door open and stopped, turning to look at him for what may be the last time. The look on her face was the same look that had always been there, but this time it was full of grief. With out a word she walked up to him and kissed him on the cheek. Tony barely had time to register what she had done before she quietly slipped out the door and presumably out of his life.

Tony looked after her, unsure if that was goodbye. He locked the door as he moved back into his apartment. He made his way to the kitchen, as it was nearly 5 and there would be no going back to sleep tonight. As the coffee brewed he thought about what had just transpired. Regardless of how their conversation ended it led him to hope, especially after her last wordless action. He knew in his heart that she was the one for him. He hoped against all odds that she would change her mind about marrying Tristan. He had carried this torch for her for so long. He knew that he would never put it down. He would carry it with him, always.

_Well… once again I have a love/hate relationship with this chapter. There are parts that I really like and parts that I have rewritten so many times that I just had to walk away from it. It's why it took me longer to publish. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Only 2 more chapters to go and only 3 more days till the dreaded premier (I seriously have never not wanted to watch an NCIS episode more in my entire life). Reviews are welcome. :) _


	9. Chapter 9

Ziva's Wedding day- October 7th 2017

This was it, the day she had been waiting for. After months of planning, preparing, fretting, and several bumps in the road it was finally here. Ziva stood in front of the mirror in the bridal room, hair done in loose curls, waiting for Abby to finish unzipping her dress and help her into it. After the dress was on and Abby was busy zipping and buttoning Ziva in to the dress, Ziva couldn't help but feel the rise in her pulse. She looked at herself in the mirror, a bride. The dress was beautiful. It had taken several trips to various bridal shops before finding this particular dress, with Abby's help of course. It was a strapless sweetheart neckline and the dress hugged her curves perfectly with a jeweled ribbon sash around her waist before flowing away slightly at the knees. She ran her hands down the front of the dress, feeling the soft material spanning across her stomach. She took a trembling breath.

Abby stepped back and squealed. She chattered on about the dress and what a fairytale it all was but all of this was lost to Ziva. Her mind was on the man that would be waiting at the end of that aisle. That day came to her mind vividly, it was the day that she was finally sure about this whole thing. She had left Tony's apartment around five. She drove around for a few minutes before deciding to take Tony's angry words to heed and go for a run. She went back to the hotel room to grab a change of cloths, careful not to wake Tristan. She watched him sleep for a small moment, a mixture of love and confusion racing through her veins.

She had set out to run in the small park that had been one of her favorite places while she was still living in DC. She ran for what seemed like an eternity, a mixture of adrenaline and emotion pushing her on. She did her best to clear her mind, concentrating on the feel of the pavement as her feet came down to meet it and the warm summer breeze blew on her face. She counted her breaths, willing them to tell her the answers to questions she was afraid to ask herself. The farther she ran the more she knew. A feeling of elation sprung up inside her as the realization and clarity she so desperately desired settled in her mind. She sprinted to the car and tore out of the parking lot, heading for him.

A smile formed on her face at the memory of what followed next. She remembers the confused look on his face as she excitedly flew into the room a quarter after 7 and into his arms. She remembers the smiles and promises reaffirmed. She remembers the kiss that sealed her fate. How could she have ever doubted her love for him?

From the dressing room she could hear the sound of the guests arriving and being seated as a soft sweeping melody filled the air in the garden where she was to be married. It was a perfect 72 degrees outside and the garden was beautifully equipped with fall flowers and trees whose leaves were just starting to change. Ziva looked at the clock, fifteen minutes to go.

Abby must have caught the nervousness on her face because she was immediately in front of her. "Are you ok Ziva?"

"I am fine Abby," she replied with a small smile before taking a shaky seat on the couch against the wall.

"You don't look fine. Are you nervous? You're not about to pull a runaway bride are you? Because I don't think he could handle that… You can't do that to…"

"Abby," she cut her off, "I am not going anywhere. I promise. I made a promise and a commitment and today I will fulfill that… I love him. I will not be backing out of this."

She looked up at Abby who had a satisfied look on her face. Ziva couldn't help but think how pretty Abby looked as well. Her hair was up and she had a deep purple dress that matched the fall color scheme perfectly. Anne, a friend of Ziva's that she had made while in New York, came into the room at this time in a matching purple dress. They took a moment to laugh and talk and just relax before it was time to walk down the aisle. This time with her friends did wonders for Ziva's nerves.

Five minutes till two a soft knock came from the door. Gibbs poked his head in. "It's time to line up. May I have a moment with the bride?"

Abby and Anne stepped out of the room to join McGee in the entranceway to the garden, closing the door behind them. Ziva gave a shaky smile to Gibbs. He came to stand directly in front of her. "You sure about this Ziver?"

She nodded her head slowly. "I have never been more sure about anything in my entire life. It is just a little nerve-racking," she said with a small laugh.

"Good. I don't think he would survive it," he responded, leaning in and kissing her on the forehead.

Ziva looked up at Gibbs, meeting his eyes. She could see the love in them. She closed her eyes for a moment, willing herself to ease her nerves. She opened them again, looking at Gibbs. "Just don't let me fall or pass out or anything, alright."

Gibbs gave a laugh, shaking his head. "I promise," he said softly.

It was time now. Abby was already making her way down the aisle as maid of honor, followed by Anne and Tim. Now it was her turn. The doors closed for a brief moment, allowing her to step behind them, ready for her big entrance. The doors opened and she tightened her grip on Gibbs' arm. The crowed all had their eyes on her, but she had her eyes on the only other person that mattered. He was looking at her like she had always dreamed someone, someday would. It was that same look in his green eyes that she had seen for all these years; but today, today it was different. Today it was stronger. It was sure. It was the look of a man that loved with all his heart and soul. It was the look of someone looking forward to a bright future.

Gibbs held true to his word as he began to walk her down the aisle. Ziva was sure he was the only thing keeping her from floating away or sinking into the ground. As they made their way to the front she thought once more back to that day just a few months ago. She thought of the look on his face as he opened the door when she had once again showed up pounding on it. She thought of how different that look was after she pulled away from the very exuberant kiss she had thrown on him. She thought of the look on his face when she had told him she loved him. That she had picked him. It was a look not too unlike the look he had now. It had taken them eight years to find the strength to talk about their feelings and four years to finally get it together. It had taken all of thirty minutes for them to decide they wanted this forever and for Tony to drop to his knees. It had taken a little over four months to plan the wedding (they had decided to keep the date of her original wedding because she had already made a deposit on the garden). And now, after all that time, it took her three minutes to make it up the aisle. She now found herself standing in front of Tony, a wide smile on his face.

Gibbs leaned over and whispered in her ear, "love ya, kid," before kissing her on the cheek and taking his place in front of McGee. She handed her bouquet to Abby and took Tony's outstretched hands. Her hands were trembling in his. He looked at her, concern ghosting on his features. He squeezed her hands and breathed, "you ok?"

"Never been better," she whispered back, squeezing his hands and looking into his eyes. She fell into the deep pool that was his eyes. She poured herself in to that look, giving all the love and admiration she had.

The ceremony passed quickly, most of which she could not focus on. It was then time for the I do's. The preacher cleared his throat and Ziva and Tony looked up at him, realizing that he was talking to them. A small laugh came from the crowed.

"Do you, Anthony Dinozzo Jr., take Ziva David to be your lawfully wedded wife: for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or worse for the rest of your life?" he repeated, amusement obvious in his voice.

"You bet!" Tony responded, giving Ziva his Dinozzo grin. Ziva smiled at his somewhat juvenile antics.

"And do you," the rabbi started (they had a mixed ceremony), "Ziva David, take Anthony to be your husband: to have and to hold, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse as long as you live?"

Ziva smiled, tightening her grip on Tony's hands. She had never known an answer more than she knew this one. "Always."

_I love, love, LOVE this chapter. It is by far my favorite and I literally had goose bumps while writing it. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it._


	10. Chapter 10

_This is actually a scene that I have had rolling around in my head for a long time but didn't know what to do with it... till now. I always hoped that the series would end with something like this for Tony and Ziva. _

The end.

(or the beginning, really.)

November 2019

Tony pulled into the driveway of his house. It was late and had been a long day. His team had finally wrapped up a particularly difficult case involving some home grown terrorists. Tony longed for the comfort and rest of his bed and the arms of his wife. He unlocked the door and made his way into the house. The clock on the stove read 1 am and Tony groaned. He made his way down the hall towards his bedroom when he heard a sound coming from the other room. He walked quietly to the half open doorway and pushed the door fully open and stopped.

He stood in the doorway, watching Ziva rocking, singing a soft melody to a whimpering bundle of blankets he knew to be their 4-week-old daughter Tali. He watched, mesmerized by the sight before him. His beautiful wife, the love of his life, holding the precious miracle that neither of them thought they would ever see. She looked so peaceful. Her sweet voice filled his ears. It was an old Israeli lullaby. The baby was no longer moving or making any sound and Tony assumed that she had drifted off to sleep. He quietly made his way into the room and stood beside Ziva, looking down at their little princess. "Hey," he breathed as quietly as possible as to not wake the baby and incur Ziva's wrath.

Ziva looked up, searching for her husband's eyes, and smiled. Tony found everything he needed in that smile. She carefully stood up, placing the baby in the crib. She stood there for a moment, watching the rise and fall of Tali's chest. A content smile graced her lips. Tony came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, his lips finding her cheek. Ziva relaxed back into him, letting him support her. The last four weeks had been wonderful yet exhausting for her. Tony knew that it would be very difficult for Ziva when her maternity leave was up and she returned to the NCIS linguistics department. They stood there for a long while, just holding each other, the only sound the steady breathing of the sleeping infant. Tony thought that there was nowhere else he would rather be than here with Ziva in his arms, watching Tali's peaceful slumber. This is where he belonged. He pulled her closer still, tightening his grip on her as she nestled back in to him. He could feel her warmth radiating through his shirt. "I love you," she whispered into the darkness. Tony responded with a single word, "Always."

_There we have it folks. Ziva got her peace, her family, and her permanence. Tony got his family and he got her. Also, Ziva ended up back at NCIS... sorta. Thank you all for reading and the reviews. Much love in these hard times lol. (I should NOT be this invested). Reviews are welcome. _


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